I could expand my range to include mingling with the regular world. Frankly the latter sound- ed more attractive. The satis- faction of passing among dis- interested strangers seemed to be the ultimate. However, to do this I had to know if I pass.

The first thing I settled was that I couldn't trust myself. Each of us sees a woman when we look at our dressed image in the mirror. There is nothing wrong with that as long as we know others won't be seeing the same thing. Next there was the input of other cross- dressers. Some only saw my picture and they saw a particular- ly biased view. We're careful

to only select our best poses. The other cross-dressers who have seen me "live" have been complimentary too but who wants to run down a friend? It has been difficult to find objective critics.

If we

On my outings with other TV's I have noticed a few curious looks but I've been told that a group of TV's is always more vulnerable than a TV alone. Our imperfections apparently reinforce each other. were being read I couldn't tell if it was me or one of my companions. My only option was to go out publicly, alone. I have gone out alone before but they've either been the Halloween-type or other "dark of night" events where people could hardly see me period, let alone my gender. This new test was going to be much more public and I was more than a little apprehensive.

as

I live in a large West coast city which has a liberal reputation, perhaps not as extreme San Francisco but still pretty tolerant. There is more than the usual legislation protecting gays and I figured a public and police department sensitized to them would be tolerant of

the likes of us. I hadn't heard of any local girls getting in any trouble in years.

Next, I tried hard to satisfy myself that even if I was read I would never be recognized as my male self. My ultimate judge of that was my wife. Unfortunately she only had a picture to go by and she says she'll always be able to "see me in there" but she grudgingly admitted my risk of "true exposure" was minimal.

With all that in mind I picked a handy Saturday, rented a motel room and went to work. (If any of you TV's have young children, be prepared. When they get to be teenagers your days of dressing at home are gone, unless you tell them. Your house becomes Grand Central Station.) I tried to do my best. My legs were carefully shaved. I had a new pair of two inch heel dressy sandals. I care- fully put on false nails with a good strong glue. I don't have a big facial hair problem but I shaved after I got to the motel (early afternoon). I dressed in what I feel is one of my more successful outfits. I put on my best wig and tried to do my best makeup job. If I had trouble it wasn't going to be for lack of attention.

I could have left the motel by the back door but I braved the lobby and went out past the front desk. Nothing un- usual happened except a glance (or was it a stare?) from the inevitable DREADED ADOLE- SCENT GIRL. Others have written that they are our biggest enemy. They somehow look closer and see through us. I didn't really feel uncomfor- table. I had looked in the mirror enough to know that I looked female. I got to my car and headed north to a large shopping mall which I guessed to be patronized by none of my friends. Incidentally, the Saturday in

question was in June and I knew I wouldn't have any help from the cover of darkness. It would be light until nine P.M. Natur- ally I expected lots of people at the shopping center as well. I had to park in the far reaches of the lot because of the crowds and got some more practice with my new shoes. I plunged right into the largest of the three maj- or department stores in the Mall and wonder of wonders I got NO LOOKS! I kept my head up, tried to smile and look people in the eye. Most people weren't looking at me and those that did seemed not to be giving I was any special attention. ecstatic.

I walked over to the lingerie department and for the first time in my life could poke through the bras and slips with impunity. I wan- dered into the mall, stopped at a drug store and inspected the male-forbidden cosmetics. It was a little crowded there and there were the expected young ladies around the cos- metics but I seemed to be getting by! The next stop was another major department store's shoe department. They had several racks of shoes on dis- play and the patrons were allowed to try them on them- selves. For the first time in my life I was able to try on women's clothes (shoes) in a store. Well, I didn't find any that fit but once again, no one seemed to care at all. I was riding high by now! I was avoiding talking to anyone because my voice is a big liability but it's still possible to have a lot of fun without talking.

I suppose there were a thousand people or more at that mall. I guess I had passed several hundred at close range and so far hadn't noticed a single stran- Believe me I was ge look. looking! I'm glad I didn't quit at that point and go back to the motel. Things weren't quite as smooth as they seemed.

Wandering down the mall I

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